.:nothing tastes as sweet as what i can't have:.

so i am only writing this for my bff who's dying.

death. (she's not really dying, i hope)

why is everyone scared of it? what is there in this world to be scared of? because if you think about it, you don't have time to be scared. once you die, there is no getting that time back. the way i see it, we're all going to die sometime.

you may think i am being morbid. but really i'm living it up. i'm living my life knowing that one day this will all be over. and every minute i have with my family. my best friends. my dog. my chocolate. and you. all of you. should be cherished. and it sounds cheesy. but why be sad. or angry. or scared. when you could be savoring those moments having fun. because none of it will matter in the end.

the only thing i am scared of is experiencing something awful and then having to live with it. for always. until death. and isnt death something peaceful? a rest from all of this? not to say i want to leave this. but i just dont think it is something to be scared of. when it comes it comes. there is no controlling it. why dread it? no one really knows what to expect.

and i think that is what gets me about religion. the claim to know what happens after death.

i just dont get fear of death. thats all.

and i met mr. perfect. he actually follows all of the guidelines amazingly. (i wasnt sure he actually existed). well, we havent exactly met. i saw him sing though. and now i'll proceed to thouroughly stalk. it a very attractive way of course. i mean come on: who would have thought i'd ever score a date with hot carl? (hope, him or one of his friends don't randomly read this, because that would be awkward. because carl isnt even on the list. he's nice. but i'm not wooing over him. or wanting to date him. he's not on the list.)

anyway, so there is this random chance that mp and i could become friends. and we all know (well at least i know) that relationships work out best if you are friends first. seriously. so i want to be friends with mp. and then best friends. and then he can fall in love with me. but i can't like him at first. because that's the only way i seem to get them. when i could care less about being attractive or flirty or care what i say next.

and i still cant get over that with one of the listers. because i think this lister reminds me of high school. and the boys i would awkwardly attempt to be a & f around. and so i repremand myself and try to get over it which i think makes me seem like an indifferent bitch.

and to my listers: so there is this thing where a guy you really care about comes up and hugs you from behind and wraps his arms around you. stopping you from feeling vulnerable. and you feel completely safe. and warm. dont forget warm (this is not a 90 degree weather maneuver. most effective when practiced in cold weather).