and though our hearts are slightly used....

i lied when i said we needed to be friends. because we dont need. i want to be your friend. why? because we're not friends.

i try to be your friend. but i am tired of trying. why? because it makes me seem needy. i'm not needy. i dont need anyone.

Why do i try? thats a question i cant answer. because there is no logic behind it.

maybe i thought there was something. maybe you thought it too. but then the competition came along. the enemy is competitive. so am i. so competitive that i would rather quit than lose. so i quit. half of me gave up. but the second half stuck around to maintain the obligatory friend part that comes with not ending a non-relationshit that didnt exist.

but that parts ready to give up on you too.


and you (a different you, dont think i'd write this all about you). you cant be missing me. you arent allowed. and if you do. you arent allowed to say it. even if youre drunk.

why? because i cant handle you. if it took you thousands of miles to need me like i used to need you, then youre too late.

you're late because you couldnt stick it out. and she needs you now. and i wouldnt be human if i let another girl go through the process of needing someone who took their need out on another girl. or several.

and because she needs you, you cant tell me you love me. because i know thats next. and you think it. i know you too well. thats the downside of being in love and knowing someone better than they know themselves. because you havent changed much.

but me. i'm different. i went through all the same change you went through from 15 to 19. i was 15.

and i realize how lucky i am. to have fallen in love. but i deserve more. i respect myself too much to be shitted around with.

you cant tell me you miss me. not now.

and you: the best kind of you. a new you. i am so ready. ssssooooo ready. i've let my guard down. and i am waiting. to free fall with you. take the plunge. take the leap. and i'll skydive of you'll be my parachute.

i've been holding myself up for too long. and i'm tired. but i'll wait as long as it takes. until me knees crumble and i can no longer stand the pain.

so forgive me if i unload when you get here. because i've been holding a lot.

but please come quickly. because i am not sure how long i will last.