my transition to womanhood.

i laid there. still as i could. only moving my eyes, trying not to wake the body beside me. i looked at the hair on his chest. a sight that i normally found revolting. but not today. not on him. i looked up at the scruff on his face.

all i could think was, "i am sleeping with a man."

which turned into, "i'm an adult."

which quickly led to, "fuck."

i heard john saying, by the time i recognize this moment, this moment will be gone. but i recognized it right away.

and in attempt to conserve details...i like this womanhood thing.

the beginning of this year? i call that experimentation.

and i think i went through that phase abnormally quickly. i mean considering three quarters on the greek male population wont get over it for another four years. that "random dancing/making out -- oh wait, whats your name again" thing.

but i am scared to get past this stage. because if i am not flying through a long list. and hitting it and quitting it. i am making myself vulnerable to rejection. and that's a risk i cannot take.

i mean i already got rejected from your society. and rejected from your scholarship. and rejected from your school. all without a second thought. or the blink of an eye. but if i get the next rejection that may or may not be coming my way, I'm not sure i will be able to handle the weight.

i was so used to being welcomed. embraced. for my acheivements. and now i am back to average. and not neccesarily backward. but just downward from where i have always been.

this womanhood thing. it's going to take some adjusting.