family is just a group of people who miss the same imaginary place.

this is a compilation of all the blogs i started but never finished or posted.


FREE FALLING. 5:32 PM.

i am here. in the calm before the storm.

and i am asking you to hold my hand.

i hope your shower was amiable. and i hope you dont get too down on your self. because you are great. and i wish i had someone as great as you. i dont know anyone who can hold up to your standards. but you've encouraged me to wait it out. i'm not settling for anything less.

i'm not here to get treated like a piece of ass. there is a huge difference between that and the dominant male thing i occasionally find appealing. and its unfortunant what it took for me to realize this.

SCREW YOU AND YOUR FALSE SENSE OF MISFORTUNE.

come crash into me.

i need some shock.

if i'm left here like this alone for much longer. there is no telling what might turn up. i need you to tell me what i am doing wrong. i need you bring me back to reality. i need you to make me vulnerable. i need you to break me.

and i think college has only solidified this state. this independence. this non-dependence. this non-reliance.

people think growing up means taking care of yourself. relying on yourself. taking care of your own problems. but really aren't you just transfering your support system from your parents to someone else of significance? a roommate? a boyfriend?

and so i sit here. in the peaceful blue of the morning. with no lights on.

SO I WAS IMPRESSED...UNTIL I REALIZED A MAJORITY OF MY READERS WERE MYSELF.

dude. i'm on a dude ban.

in multiple respects.

things i need to work on:

a) attempt to sound less west-coast-middle-schooler and quit saying dude before everything i say.

b) not care about dudes (which contradicts flaw "a" but is seemingly appropriate at the same time).

basically i am doing away with all forms of dude. and i'm going to need your support through this difficult time in my life. please dont hate.