'don't we all live our lives in italics, wrapped in quotations?'

i was waiting today. zebra lounge. meeting with professor space cadet. and i saw a tall black man with long dreads. and mistaked him for her....she's a tall white woman. no dreads.

she doesnt show. causing me to succum to paranoia. am i in the right place? right time? not sure whose wrong but hoping more than anything that its her. unless she's morphed into bald music man next to me. I'm pretty sure she isn't here. (can you tell i wrote this while sitting there?)

And i cried the other day. on multiple occasions.

the first: i went to acdemdev, my abrev. for academic development. the lady was super nice and i dont know why i choked up. maybe because it is against my nature to ask for help. and asking someone i dont know is like trusting an ant to catch my fall. okay bad analogy. forgive me.

and so my eyes welled. i went to the bathroom and allowed one tear. the first here at cmu. (and no tears during grey's dont count. you have to remember we watched season 2 in its etirety) one tear was all i got. and i didnt know why i was crying. or rather spontaneously generating liquid in my tear ducts.

the second: grey's wasn't that sad. so i don't know why i was crying like a baby...well more so, getting teary-eyed like a baby. only because of wiping of wet eyes before the tears had a chance to escape.

so there's me. i'm human. finally.

so accompanying my new found obsession with vertical horizon:

He's everything you want

He's everything you need

He's everything inside of you

That you wish you could be

He says all the right things

At exactly the right time

But he means nothing to you

And you don't know why

You're waiting for someone

To put you together

You're waiting for someone to push you away

There's always another wound to discover

There's always something more you wish he'd say

oh and check out sondre lerche's minor detail. please.

i need someone to live for.

i need someone to be my last thought before i fall asleep and the first thought when i wake up.

i need to be motivated to get out of bed each morning just for the chance that i may get to see them.

and i need someone to make hug enjoyable and contradict the awkwardness it seems to be.

i need someone to hug that i will never want to let go.

i need someone to argue with me about politics. and contemplate life.

i need someone who can make me laugh over the worst of situations.

i dont need someone i can share my feelings with, but someone i want to share my feelings with. so much so that i say things out loud that i never thought i would say.

i need someone to live for.