and i think i'm falling. despite my efforts to keep a grip on the edge.
and i'd even rather think of you, you with the girlfriend. you who is so happily taken. you who i love to spend time with. you who makes me laugh. but you werent the one who pried my fingers of the cliff, sending me plunging endlessly to the next plateau.
no it was him, you. who i love to hate. you who makes me so mad. you who pisses me off to the point of laughter. you who i know i shouldnt have feelings for. you who is such a taker it isnt even funny. you who could flirt with a rock if it were female. you who makes me feel like shit. you who makes me awkward. and lose all sense of confidence.
you who i cant stand not being around.
you who said "love you" and didnt manage to make me sick to my stomach. you who i try my hardest not to flirt with. or seem desperate. but i am. so desperate. you who suggested we make pessimistic babies together. because we have "a different way of love."
the you who i didnt talk to today making it the first day since we got to pittsburgh. you who will "let me know" if your pissed off at me or not. you who tells me the most awkward things that i pretend i dont want to know. but i do.
i want to know everything you have to say. i want to be the one you need. i want to be the one who pries your fingers off the edge, sending you plunging into me.
but it wont happen. and i cant let it. i cant put up with you.
and i'd rather dream about the other you, the unreachable you, but i can't because you, bad you, keep popping into my dreams, my thoughts, my life.
and so my goal for this weekend and beyond: i wont make an effort. i'll wait for you. and if you dont come through. i'll give up.
and to my dedicated you. whom i've been neglecting as a result of my lathargic thoughts. it's okay to be bitter. more than okay. just remember everyone deserves for something good to happen to them. and i hate to try and be old and wise, but i used to be like you are. bitter. but sometimes people need for these things to happen for them. and maybe you're one of them. and i am really ready to be one of them.
but first i need to quit looking.
and you, bad you, the one all of my friends hate. i just talked to you. making us talk. today. keeping our daily conversation alive. and things you say confuse me. but you already knew that.
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2 comments:
you are old and wise.
but I don;t understand - what do you mean by sometimes things need to happen to people... explain, please.
i mean, i dont know who you're talking about, but sometimes people just continually just get the short end of the stick and deserve for good things to happen to them. and maybe they will be unhappy eventually. soon. but isnt a momentary happiness better than none at all? and maybe they do suck, for rubbing it into your face. but something like this will happen to you again. i guarentee it.
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