and you're just jealous that i act retarded in public and people still love me.

you know i havent liked anyone since you? like seriously. and i bet you would take satisfaction from that. and not a selfish, "i want you to be unhappy" satisfaction but more of a comforting feeling proving that "us" just wasnt a passing whim. a brief crush. a short lived lusting.

and i haven't wanted anyone since you. i mean really wanted someone. physically. and i bet that would shock you. because i was a crazy person who could keep up with a teenage boy. as far as all that you know, whatever, stuff goes.

i just thought you should know that. and that i am not your person anymore. and you are not mine. and although i try to force my self to like other people i cant. i cant and dont and wont like anyone. i wont settle. stagnate. (not sure if that is a word, i made it up.)

and i really hope you find your person. because i want you to be happy. and as much as i want to find my person. (and i may have, but more on that later.) i want everyone to find theirs first. i dont think there is someone out there for everyone. and that is what scares me. but there are just some people who deserve to find their person.

and many of us have. like myself i think. and friend X who i feel so terribly bad for. who found her person. and her person doesnt know hes her person. and she loves him so much. and he loves her back. but as a best friend. and nothing hurts like your heart. physical pain doesnt even compare.

and as much as i hate to admit it. i think i found my person. but he cant be my person. he'll never know he's been granted such a rare honor. unless i become his person. which cant happen. because he's already found his person. and one doesnt have more than one person.

and i need some punctum to end this with. but i dont have one. be safe kids.