i can't handle you. i knew i should have stopped it. i didnt want it to happen because i knew it would lead to this. me. being completely messed up. spacing out in class. walking slowly. being oblivious to all else in the world. not caring about things that would normally mean everything.
and messing up us. us, being the state we had finally reached where we dont argue or judge. and that point where i finally didnt care anymore.
this is what i meant to say. but it didnt come out. between the kissing and the cuddling. and i think it couldnt escape because i have been craving the comfort of being held for so long now. and not being held like i was a few weeks ago. or friday night. but the kind of being held where the person really knows who you are. and cares about you. and your well being. and so the words, these crucial words, were bound inside me. i dont think they ever had the chance.
"i dont think i can do this. i'm not sure i want things to change. i dont want to mess this up. what we have is amazing. this friendship. this strange understanding. and if this is just going to be a one time thing. if i am your rebound girl. this can't happen. its either all or nothing."
all or nothing. and right now, the plan is nothing.
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2 comments:
ouch.
Love the title, but I feel for you. I really do. And I still feel like you should talk to him.
say it. say that you didnt want to be his rebound girl, that you don't want the friendship to change.
but at the same time ask yourself - was the friendship really what you thought it was, or were you lying to yourselves. if other people were noticing and thinking that he has/had a crush on you... were you guys ever truly "friends"? and is this risk worth it?
im confused on whether you are advocating the risk or telling me to stop it...and whether you are saying we were never even friends or that we were never JUST friends.
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